Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between This week’s dream is from a gal who is wondering why she’s dreaming of kissing her ex, especially an ex she didn’t really like…

Before I went to sleep, I’d just had a disagreement with my boyfriend and we settled it. It was something silly and laughable in the end.

That night I dreamed that a guy that I used to be involved with was laying on top of me kissing me! (I didn’t think this particular guy was right for me and ended up breaking it off with him a couple of years ago). Anyway, I remember grabbing his shirt and kissing him intentionally — which is weird because I don’t have feelings for this guy (and never really did for that matter). Then I was filled with guilt and pushed him off of me. I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. What does this mean???

I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year and are considering marriage. We’ve just recently realized some differences in the other and have been working to overcome them because we want to be together. Lately, I’ve been filled with thoughts about whether he and I could really work in the long run; I’ve been kind of analyzing him, and the two of us together. I’m scared of what this dream might really mean. Please help!

Lauri: Since you are currently figuring out your relationship with your boyfriend, you can bet this dream is stepping in to help… especially after your disagreement. Okay, let’s talk about this ex and see if we can figure out why your dreaming mind chose him to get its message across to you.

Well, he’s someone you decided was not for you. When you were having your disagreement with your current boyfriend, did those same familiar thoughts creep into your head, “This guy may not be for me”? If so, then that is what he represents. He’s not playing himself but instead personifies what is not right for you. This may be why he was on top of you in the dream. That is a position of dominance, and those thoughts probably dominated your mind for a bit.

Kissing in a dream is almost always connected to conversation in waking life because – like kissing – it takes two mouths to communicate. Did your disagreement with your boyfriend involve a conversation that reminded you of what it was like with your ex? Did you say things to your boyfriend that you used to say to your ex? The good news is that you pushed him off of you in the dream, which means in waking life you successfully pushed away those old, familiar thoughts… and perhaps words, that were eerily similar to what was going on in your mind and coming out of your mouth when you were with your ex.

I believe this dream reflects a certain level of triumph on your part… triumph over old patterns of behavior that may have threatened your current relationship. As much as this dream freaked you out, it was good for you, young lady.

Response from the dreamer: Thank you so much for your response and giving such an in-depth analysis of my dream. You helped me realize that the incident with my current boyfriend conjured up negative feelings that I felt with the ex – feelings that eventually led to me breaking it off with him. I realize now that after the incident, I felt the same way and asked myself the same questions as I did with the ex.

Surprisingly, during that time I’d been thinking about what went wrong in a couple past relationships (the ex in the dream is included). I kept asking myself questions, trying to figure out how I could prevent another similar let down. I wanted to be able to recognize signs with the others that I may have missed while I was involved with them – signs that if I could catch now with my current boyfriend could save me some hurt and pain. When I finally ended the relationship with the ex that showed up in the dream, I wandered to myself “Why did I stay involved with him?” “Why was I even interested in him?” Although I now understand what that ex meant for me during that time in my life, sometimes I get this sneaky doubt that questions if I can trust my own judgment because I was involved with someone who I knew in my gut wasn’t a good fit for me. It’s no wonder that the ex showed up in my dream!

I feel like this dream and your interpretation has helped me to establish clear connections between the relationship with the ex and the incident with my boyfriend. I don’t question my judgment on this issue anymore because I know exactly where it came from. It helped me put the incident into perspective by not letting those fears from past relationships trump the incredible bond I have with my current boyfriend. This has taught me to take away constructive lessons from past relationships and let all the fears and unnecessary crap go and not let them enter my current relationship.

Again, thank you so much for helping me come to a resolution about my dream. I see how dreams help us resolve our conflicts and issues. This was amazing!

Your dreams are such a powerful part of who you are.  They are giving you answers and direction, even warnings you need to know every night of your life. Why wouldn’t you want the ability to understand these important, even life-changing messages? Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“Your books have been so helpful. I’m seeing my dreams in a much different light. I can’t believe how simple the symbology is once you get the hang of it. Btw, your drawings are incredible. You’re a fantastic artist!”   – Patricia, Chico, CA

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