Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who is wondering why she’s dreaming about an old flame…

I have a reoccurring dream that is driving me crazy. I am in a seven year relationship but I keep having a dream about this guy I still have feelings for who I had a fling with. In this dream it’s always a family member telling me that “John Doe” is here to see me and I’ll get ready to see him but I never do. Something always ends up happening so I am unable to see him. When I’m with my significant other I find myself thinking about my old fling and actually wanting to see him. Please help!

Lauri: It’s common to continue to dream about someone who really “lit our fire” even decades after we were with them. As time goes on, the person no longer represents him or herself but rather the excitement and passion that we experienced when we were with them. In my research I’ve found that these old flames tend to pop into our dreams when our current relationship becomes a little too routine or when our life becomes hum drum. The inner mind will bring this person into our dreams to remind us that it is time to re-ignite our inner spark, time to bring the excitement and passion that person represents back into our waking life or current relationship. Remember, it’s the feelings that they are connected to, not the person.

But what concerns me though is that you said you had a fling with this person. Does that mean it was a brief romantic relationship during your current seven year relationship? Or did this fling precede your current relationship? Whatever the case, the fact that you are never able to see him in your dreams is where the message lies. You mentioned that you still have feelings for him and think of him. Your wiser inner self knows that – morally – you cannot “see him” anymore because you are in a committed relationship. And if you want this relationship to continue, you need to realize that “seeing him” is no longer an option. You are no longer together for a reason.

I suggest you take that energy, those feelings your dreams give you and turn it towards your boyfriend. Whenever Mr. Ex Fling shows up in your dream, harness those passionate feelings you wake up with and put them to good use, if ya know what I mean…wink, wink!

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

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